Parenting Puzzle: After all, why don’t children understand their father’s words?


New Delhi. Nowadays, raising children is no less than a puzzle for parents. The first of all the puzzles related to the upbringing of children is the ideological contradiction and difference of understanding between the father and the children. For example, you must have also felt at some point of time that children neither understand nor accept their father’s words easily.

Even if the matter is studied, even after all his efforts, the father is almost unsuccessful in explaining something to the children. On the contrary, the same thing is not only explained by the mother of the children very easily, but the children also accept it very easily. Is this behavior of children normal or is there some reason behind it?

Come, understand from Dr. Shailesh Jha, Senior Psychiatrist at Indraprastha Apollo Hospital, what is this unique puzzle between parents and children…

parental flexibility

Dr. Shailesh Jha explains that parental resiliency is also one of the reasons for the confusion between father and children. Parental Resilience is the practical flexibility of the parents. The more strict and prescriptive the behavior of the parents, the more late the children will understand the things. It is seen in most of the homes that the behavior of the mother is more flexible towards the children than that of the father. She listens to the daily routine of children with great interest and understands their feelings. This positive attitude of the mother connects the children to them. Children are able to openly speak their words to their mother and understand and accept their words easily.


Lack of bilateral dialogue with children

Most of the fathers’ communication with the children is one sided. He gives orders without considering the abilities of the children and also wants to implement them at the given time. Although it is a matter of fact that whether that work was done on time or not, he himself forgets. Apart from this, even if the memory remains and the work is completed, then they do not encourage the children. If the work is not completed, then he does not even try to know from the child that due to which the work was not completed. That is why it is said that father’s attitude towards children is of time bound result. This attitude of the father keeps the children away from him ideologically.

Father’s Outcome Based Approach

It is a fact that fathers start imposing on children more than teaching them time bound and efficiency oriented skills. He starts focusing more on out-come rather than ability-centric. They ignore their abilities in children and start making comparisons and social comparisons with other children. In the present era, there is a competition in every house for it. Not only this, in most of the homes, fathers start imposing their expectations on the children without telling their background thoughts. As a result, children get confused about their target and they shy away from talking about that topic.

Parents’ misunderstandings about children

Most fathers have their own understanding that their children are still very young, so they will not understand them right now. As a result, he directly tells his children that you have to do this work or you do not have to do this work. They don’t bother to explain why they should and shouldn’t do anything. Here the thinking of the father is completely wrong that the children do not understand. At present, children are getting a lot of exposure with age. If efforts are made accordingly, the father can explain his point in a much better way and the children will also understand his point.


Ignorance of children’s mental changes

Often we say that it is not known when the children have grown up. Actually, due to the hustle and bustle of life and their own expectations, the father misses the changes taking place in the children. It is important that parents should have knowledge about the development of every stage of the child. The father should especially realize what kind of emotional and social support children need at what time. There should be a pattern of free communication on every subject, so that the father can convey that thing to the children and the children can give their feedback on that subject. Do not plan too far ahead with children. Small things go ahead with the children’s harmony. See each day as a new challenge.

Why, teach children not in Papa’s bus
According to Dr. Shailesh Jha, in almost all households there is a mutual understanding about the role of other family members along with the children. In most of the homes, the mother is responsible for the care and education of the children. Therefore, fathers do normal communication with the children, but either avoid or talk immediately on the issues to which the mother is meant. Take studies for example. Often we see that when the father gets the time, he tries to teach the children, all this is not accepting for the child, due to which the children do not understand the smallest thing.

Apart from this, most of the fathers start projecting their abilities while teaching the children. It is their effort that if I am teaching something today, then I will show something good, something new and do more. This is not a very welcoming step for the child. While teaching children, we have to keep in mind whether they like our method or not. We have to keep this openness that which of our method is accepting for the child and which is not. No method should be too imposing and too forceful for kids. We ourselves should take regular feedback whether what we are doing is right for the children.

Read also: Is such ‘company’ of parents making children a victim of low-confidence?

How to solve this puzzle of children with father
According to Dr. Shailesh Jha, it is not so difficult to solve this puzzle that gets entangled with time between father and children. If the father, especially in his behavior, takes care of some of the following things, then this puzzle can be solved easily.

Take care of the needs of the children

Fathers should especially realize what kind of emotional and social support children need at what time. By giving timely emotional and social support, the thought glands forming in the brain can be removed in children.

continuous communication with children

There is no doubt that the discipline of the father is necessary for the better future of the children, but it should be kept in mind that discipline should not create so much fear in the mind of the child that he is afraid to speak his words. Therefore, you must ask the children for their opinion on every subject.

continue to encourage children

Motivation not only increases efficiency but also creates a mental connection. Therefore, fathers should encourage their children from time to time. This encouragement will prove to be helpful in removing the hesitation from the minds of the children regarding the father.

Meet our expectations

Most fathers tend to focus more on out-come rather than ability-centric. Therefore, before giving the task, the father must assess the real potential of the child.

Take feedback of your own behavior

From time to time, parents must do an impartial review of themselves and their children. Parents should realize when and where their children needed them and how they proved to be helpful in that need.

Tags: Health News, mental health, parenting tips, Sehat ki baat

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